Just A Little
by asebi
Summary: Sometimes it's enough to just be so close. Sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it's just bittersweet. Natsume/Madara


Just a Little

_A Christmas Gift for Otome._

**.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Natume Yuujinchou_

**A/N: ** This is a chocolate of the dark variety, with maybe a little less sugar. See the end for a Japanese word dictionary (if you need it).

**.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

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><p><em>They walk. Hands touch. They blush.<em>

Soft pink petals drifted towards the ground, carpeting the area around the _sakura_ tree. Natsume stopped for a second to watch. _Breathtaking_. He shouldn't for too long, though, otherwise…

"Natsume-dono—"

…someone would find him— halt him to ask for something.

"—I have come to ask for the return of my name."

Always.

"Another page! The _yuujinchou_ is getting thinner and thinner!"

"Sensei…"

But Sensei wasn't listening, already waddling on ahead of him. They walked past the couple that was in front of them; Natsume averted his eyes.

What might it feel like to share something so intimate? It was, perhaps, just a little bit out of reach at the moment. Just a little bit. He had only recently gained a place to call home, people to call friends. He wasn't ready.

It made him uncomfortable to watch. It nagged at something he didn't want to examine. He didn't want to know why he felt it now when he never did before. Why did it bother him? Was it because he was growing up? Or was it another reason? Was it because of the Fujiwaras? Kitamoto? Nishimura? Tanuma? Taki? Natori?

Sensei?

.x.x.

Natsume's hand absent-mindedly petted Nyanko-sensei's soft fur over and over again. The _youjinbou_ was probably already asleep. _Soft. Warm. _

He turned to face the sleeping _ayakashi_ and nuzzled the soft body.

"Sensei…" he whispered, "_Oyasumi_, _Sensei_…"

.x.x.

He reached out and stroked the sleeping boy's hair, running his fingers through the silken strands. He was, perhaps, getting a little too used to this, to having the boy there. What was this one human life to the many that have passed before him? He stood and opened the window, looking up at the waning crescent moon. Tonight would be a good night to drink. He turned one more to look at the boy before transforming back into the _maneki-neko_ he usually is and leaving the room.

"_Sake. Sake. Sake!"_

.x.x.

"_Sensei!...Sensei!...Sensei!..."_

_No matter how hard he called, no matter how long he called for, there was no answer. He couldn't hear Sensei's voice, couldn't see sensei at all._

"_Sensei!"_

"…sensei…"

.x.x.

Natsume woke with a start and sat up.

"Sensei?"

But there was no sign of the cat. With a sigh, he fell back onto his _futon_ and rolled over to try and go back to sleep again.

"Out drinking again, huh?" he said to no one in particular.

He could remember all too clearly what it felt like when Nyanko-sensei disappeared. Why is it that once you've experienced companionship, the loss of it makes the loneliness feel a hundred times worse? Yes he was lazy and fat and didn't do his job properly, but he was always _there_. He'd always show up just in time to save him. How different it felt to not have him there.

Why did he have that dream tonight?

_Tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap. Tap._

He hadn't noticed the soft tapping at his window before. That must have been what really woke him up, not the dream. With a groan Natsume got up and walked over to the window, turning on the lights on the way. It was late and he was already tired.

He pulled back a bit of the curtains to peek out before opening it all the way.

Of course it was a _youkai_. It always was. They just weren't always friendly. Trying not to yawn, he opened the window and let the strange creature in.

"Natsume-sama, please return my name."

He gestured for the _ayakashi_ to sit and pulled out the _Yuujinchou_.

Picture the spirit. Concentrate. Tear. A single fold down the middle. Place it between his lips. Concentrate. A single, loud clap. _Concentrate._ _Blow_.

He watch as it left before flopping down again. It always drained him, and usually, he could do without it, but not today. Today, he found the tiredness strangely welcoming.

His eyes closed and he was halfway to falling completely asleep when another voice jolted him awake.

"_Tadaiiiiima~!_"

"_Sensei…_" Natsume moaned, exasperated.

"What are you doing up? Weren't you asleep already?" Nyanko-sensei asked before hiccupping.

"I'm tired…" Natsume whispered, not bothering to answer the cat's question.

Nyanko-sensei's eyes locked on the crumpled piece of paper next to Natsume.

"Don't tell me…another _youkai_ came for their name. What were you thinking letting them in? And while I wasn't here, too! What would you do if the _Yuujinchou_ was stolen? You should be more alert! You shouldn't be—"

"_Urusai!_"

.x.x.x.x.x.

He used to long for this _ability_, this _gift_, of his to disappear, but now he didn't know if he would be able to bear _not_ having it. After meeting Sensei, his opinion on _ayakashi_ had began to change. There were malicious ones and ones that brought despair, but there were also funny ones, kind ones, and excessively sweet ones as well. Some he could sympathize with. Some he wanted to protect. Some that wanted to protect him. They were important to him.

Sometimes he wondered if his grandmother understood the _youkai_ she defeated the way he sometimes found he could. Sometimes he wondered if there was anyone else who could understand them the way he did. It was probably hard to if you couldn't see them; it was probably harder to if you could.

Natsume felt a weight on his chest and his hand unconsciously moved to pet the heavy cat. He didn't have to open his eyes to know who it was.

"Sensei, you need to go on a diet…" he said off-handedly.

"Hmph,"

He heard a muffled 'poof' and the weight on his chest disappeared. Instead, he felt something straddling him. He cracked open his eyes to see a girl wearing a school uniform, her face right above his.

"Waaaahhh!"

"What? You don't like this form?" she asked, pressing her body to his. He'd seen it once before but it still surprised him a bit.

"Tha-that's not the—"

"How about this then?"

He transformed again, this time into a man. He was as elegant in this form as he was in his spirit form. The markings adorning his cheeks and forehead were the same as the one on the beast's. His hair was snow white, the color of his fur, and skin so pale. His eyes gleamed gold and stared right at him, piercing him.

For a second, just a second, Natsume thought he felt his heart skip a beat.

"Wha-what are you doing?" he asked.

Sensei didn't answer at first, just continued to stare at him.

"…Nothing…" he said, finally. He brushed the tips of his human fingers along Natsume's cheek. It was cool to the touch, so different from the warmth of his fur. He leaned in close, close, closer, until Natsume could feel the barest brush of his breath, his long hair forming a curtain around them.

"Nothing…" Madara said again before transforming back into the fortune cat. With grace that did not match his current appearance, Nyanko-sensei hopped off of Natsume.

"Sensei…" Natsume reached over and pulled the cat closer. He buried his face in its soft fur and closed his eyes.

"Sensei…"

Soon he was asleep, still cuddled with the cat.

.x.x.

He pulled the boy closer, still, careful not to wake him. He did not like to take the shape of human; he preferred his elegant and majestic true form more. But maybe this form was better for this. Maybe this form was easier to hold him with, more comfortable. And right now, while no one was watching—while the boy was sleeping—he could do this: he could run his fingers through his mussed hair, he could lean over close and have that hair tickle his nose (just a little), he could just watch him sleep.

Maybe just a little.

**.x.x.x..o.w.a.r.i..x.x.x.**

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><p><strong>Dictionary of Terms:<strong>

_sakura_ – cherry blossom

_Sensei_ – Master, teacher

_Yuujinchou_ – Book of Friends

_youjinbou_ – bodyguard

_ayakashi_ – ghost appearing at sea; used synonymously with _youkai_

_oyasumi _– good night

_maneki-neko_ – fortune cat

_sake_ – rice wine

_youkai _– demon, spirit, monster

_tadaima_ - I'm back

_urusai_ – noisy, loud, fussy


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